First in a series: The Vision Driven Marriage
With life in turmoil, we are questioning why it’s so out of control. We are questioning what the things are we have influence over and what things can we control. We must look closer to home to find those things. We’re all ready to get back to business as usual. But some of us can’t. While we were sheltered in place—near to our spouse—some problems in your marriage may have been brought to light. Being hunkered down with someone who isn’t your best friend may trigger some tough stuff. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. The tough stuff doesn’t have to go unresolved as we head into the future. Why?
1. Because God intended marriage to thrive.
Marriage is the fertile ground in which God provides the opportunity for much of our sanctification. It is for God’s glory and He hates it when marriages fail. I speculate that the officiant at your wedding may have acknowledged that it was God who brought you two together (Matthew 19:6, a common verse spoken at weddings). Likewise, it is God who draws you two together. God hasn’t given up on you two; so, neither should you.
However, we have free will and when we choose to act in un-Christlike ways toward our spouse, we maintain that Christ has no power in our marriage.
A marriage that thrives in Godly love shows the power of Christ to heal, redeem, and sanctify within the marriage relationship. A Godly vision for marriage is crucial to aid in understanding and implementing Biblical principles that advance the sanctification that is meant to take place in a marriage.
2. Because good marriages don’t just happen.
Dr. Tim Clinton and his wife Julie noticed in their marriage counseling that couples value marriage *1, yet many marriages fail. “Apparently what we desire in marriage and what we create in marriage are quite different.” Tim Clinton, The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, pg viii
Commit to a Godly vision
Creating a solid marriage takes time, patience, and understanding. Patience and understanding come from the Lord. But, we give time. Creating a vision statement for your marriage is like setting the cornerstone when building a building. It is well worth the time to do it right. A cornerstone, in relation to architecture, is the first stone laid and all the other stones are laid in reference to it. It also sets the orientation of the building in a specific direction. A vision statement does the same thing for a marriage.
3. Because being on the same page creates intimacy, connection, and confidence.
Yes, this is a jump. Let me clarify. Creating a vision statement (and subsequently having a vision-driven marriage) puts you and your spouse “on the same page”. That is understanding and agreeing with each other on mutually considered topics that reflect the important aspects of your marriage. Developing the ins and outs of your marriage’s vision statement allows you and your spouse to create a connection with each other much like the comradery that you feel when you meet someone who is committed to the same goals or on the same team. You are part of something bigger than yourself. Developing your marriage’s vision statement creates an intimacy because this vision belongs only to you two and the Lord. And it creates confidence when facing the future. Because of the vision statement, you know which direction you are facing when trouble hits, which guidelines are important when faced with decisions, and how to make choices based on “the cornerstone”.
Write your vision
Write your vision statements in the present tense even though it may only be something you are striving for and haven’t achieved yet. Here is an example of a vision statement for communication based on Scripture.
We are truthful and non-manipulative in our communication, (Prov 6:16-17) and transparent in our relationship. Thus, creating safety between us that allows love and trust to take root and thrive.
Study questions:
- Read Proverbs 29:18
- In what areas in your marriage do you want to “be on the same page”?
- What things is God calling you to change so that He can be glorified in your marriage?
- Write a vision statement of that as if it is already done.
You have control and influence in your marriage. Creating vision in each area of relationship will help you articulate your relationship’s purpose, build authenticity and connection, and solidify your marriage in biblical principles.
If you are interested in learning more about creating a vision statement in your marriage, click “Keep Me Updated” and enter your name and email. We’ll let you know about the progress of The Vision Driven Marriage. You’ll get access to content before it comes out and you’ll receive a discount when the resource becomes available.
*1 Tim & Julie Clinton, The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, Word Publishing, Nashville TN, 2000
– Have you and your partner ever sat down to discuss and create a vision statement for your marriage? What are the potential benefits of having a shared vision for your relationship, and how can it help guide your decisions and actions as a couple?
Hi Christina, One of the key parts of creating a vision statement in your marriage is agreeing on common core values. It will be the guideposts for all of the goals and tasks in the relationship and in the family. Having a shared vision and focusing on the value that guides that vision will decrease criticism and increase unity in a marriage.