In marriage, it can be frustrating when you’re unsure how to support your spouse, especially if they expect you to read their mind. Mindreading in marriage doesn’t work, and it may cause further trouble if they’re unable to express what they need. While it might feel like you should just “know” what to do, the expectation that your spouse can read your mind is unrealistic and unfair. Thankfully, with a little bit of grace and communication, there’s a better way forward.
Mindreading Isn’t the Answer—Let’s Talk!
No one can read minds! Expecting your spouse to automatically know what you need without speaking up only creates frustration for both of you. In Ephesians 4:29, we’re reminded:
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
This verse encourages us to build each other up with kind and honest communication. Sharing your heart, your needs, and your thoughts openly paves the way for a deeper connection.
Why Clear Communication Matters:
- It Strengthens Trust: Open, honest communication builds trust. When both partners are clear about their feelings and needs, misunderstandings decrease.
- It Prevents Resentment: Silent assumptions often lead to frustration. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” When we respond calmly and kindly, we avoid unnecessary conflict.
- It Honors Your Marriage: Clear, loving communication honors the covenant of marriage. In 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are called to honor their wives, and wives can honor their husbands by speaking with grace and understanding.
Self-Reflection: A Heart Check
When expectations are unclear, it’s important to take a step back and reflect. This isn’t about taking all the responsibility, but about doing a heart check to ensure you’re contributing to the health of the relationship. Jesus encourages us in Matthew 7:5, “First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
- Examine Your Own Heart: Have you been communicating openly, or have there been times when you’ve expected your spouse to “just know” how you feel?
- Seek God’s Guidance: Ask God to show you areas where you can grow, both in communication and in understanding your spouse’s heart.
Remember the Big Picture: Your Marriage Matters
Your marriage is so much more than day-to-day tasks or practical support. It’s a beautiful reflection of Christ’s love for His Church. Ephesians 5:25 calls on husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, which is a powerful reminder of the deep, sacrificial love that marriage is built upon. Your relationship is far more valuable than a checklist of things to do—it’s a sacred partnership.
- Focus on the Bigger Picture: Marriage isn’t about ticking off tasks or saving money; it’s about growing together in love and faith.
- Renew Your Commitment: Take time to reflect on what drew you together in the first place, and remember that your relationship is worth investing in.
Here’s What You Can Do:
- Start Small: If your spouse isn’t sure what they need, try starting with small conversations. Ask how you can support them emotionally and be patient in finding out.
- Communicate Gently: Let them know you’re eager to help, but you need their guidance. Use “I” statements, such as, “I feel unsure about how to support you, but I want to do my best.”
- Pray Together: Prayer is powerful! Praying together brings God into your marriage and can bring clarity and peace to difficult situations. Learn how to pray together. Click here to download a free guide to overcoming the obstacles of praying together.
Marriage is about learning, growing, and supporting one another—not guessing or assuming. With honest communication, self-reflection, and a heart centered on God’s love, you can navigate these challenges with grace. Together, you and your spouse can build a relationship that flourishes!